Discussion | Bullied by A Professor

Hello everyone !

Today, I'm going to talk about something not related to books/blogging and that is college. More particularly, awful professors. I don't mean awful like "oh they're so mean, they give us tons of homework". I mean the "real" kind of awful. The kind that can hurt people.

I have a very racist/discriminating professor and I need to rant.

This professor is a 65 yo woman. I've heard she made fun of a guy because he stuttered. She asked my muslim friend why she was studying japanese ("you should study arabic") and if her parents had their french IDs (needless to say that my friend didn't return to her class).

Last year she made me her personal punching bag. I'm not going into details to all of the awful things she's done and said but to give you an idea, the nicest thing she's ever said to me was during an exam when she told me to sit in the front because she didn't trust  "people like me".

I know what you're thinking "How can she hate Lys ? She's adorable !" well I asked myself the same question. What ? That's not what you were thinking ? Oh. Let's move on.

She tried to embarass me in front of the whole class multiple times but I don't care. Usually, I shrug and give her a huge smile to piss her off. I don't even feel angry, I feel sad for her and disgusted. I know what to expect with her so I'm not surprised when she's hateful, the most interesting thing is how my classmates react.

I divided my class into four types :

1. "I don't know how you put up with that !"

The title is pretty self-explanatory. They come to me after class and tell me how they respect and admire me and ask me how I manage to stay calm. I don't really care for their respect and admiration but I don't mind them. It may sounds mean but it's true. I don't need them to tell me all of this, I just want to put everything she did behind me and move on.

Last week, my lovely professor told me something inappropriate – as usual – and the next day, a girl from this category joked about it : "I'm not saying it spitefully so it's okay."

*Takes a deep breath*. It's not okay. It's far from okay. I don't care if she says it to hurt me or not, the important is that she said it, she thought about it. It's not entirely her fault. Everything began with my prof. But that's when I realized that what she said to me also affected how my classmates perceived me.

Even if I don't feel embarrassed, people will look at me and think "oh, that's girl that prof humiliated." and I don't want to be seen this way. I don't even want to be seen as "the warrior who puts up with this shit". I don't want her to define me but clearly it's out of my hands.

2. "I'm so going to report this !"

If they wanted to report her, they would have done it without telling me about it. I don't even know why I don't do it. I definitely should.

3.  "I swear, next time I'll defend you !"

There is only one person in this category. He's a nice guy but... Come on. Just like the 2^nd category, if he wanted to defend me he would have done it and I don't want him to. I'm not a damsel in distress (not that there is anything wrong with that) and I don't need someone to protect me. 

If he really wanted to say something, he would have. Just like if I wanted to say something, I would have. But we don't. I'm sure he's concerned about his grades so he doesn't want to piss her off. I'm concerned about my grades too so I can relate and I don't want to show her that her hate affects me.

I'm sure this guy feels guilty so he says that to feel better about himself but... He doesn't get to do that. I want him to stop lying to himself. We both know he's not going to say anything so he should at least be honest about why. He thinks about himself and doesn't want any trouble, I understand that.

4.  "I know what she said to you but... She's still a nice person."

I've met two people in this category. They describe her as "nice" and "funny" and it's not a big deal if she treats muslims/disabled people/PoC/cute book bloggers like shit.

Of course I'm not saying they can't like her. But saying that she's nice is condoning her behavior and I can't accept that. I can't even respect the people in this category.

How can they condone something like that ? One of them told me "I like her and she likes me so... " so even if she's a horrible human being, it's okay because she not attacking them. These people frustrate me so much.

Now I have a choice between : Staying in her – very easy – class and worry that she's going to give me a bad grade or going to another much more difficult class (that I may not pass) with a professor that will grade me fairly.

What would you do if you were me ? 

Have you ever had a teacher/professor like that ?

I hope my rant didn't bore you, see you next time.